MHA: Share Your Story

"This might not be the sharing that you’re looking for. My uncle committed suicide one year ago next week so I couldn’t buy this shirt fast enough. His name was Mark. He was loved by SO many people, yet he still thought that was the only way out and didn’t think he could reach out for help. We miss him every damn day and I especially miss his laugh <3 If you’re struggling, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reach out for help as hard as it may seem. I promise there is someone who cares and loves you, it will get better!!!" -Alicia

"Majority of my life of my life I’ve dealt with racism and never feeling good enough for anyone. My parents divorced early and my mom moved me and my two sisters to a different state. Being raised in a house full of women I never felt “man enough” or confident to do anything. I struggled having confidence to talk to women and then being in a predominantly white neighborhood girls could never “bring me to their house”. I wanted to be white in the worst way, to be accepted, to be “seen”. I struggled with substance abuse and alcohol all before my sophomore year in high school. Tried to off myself and failed. I’m now 32 married with a beautiful baby and still struggle to be “good enough”. Some days I have to convince myself to not drive off the bridge driving to and from work" -Anonymous

"I have struggled with mental health my entire life. Growing up with a mom that has severe PTSD from her abusive childhood, and a dad that was emotionally detached because his brother was murdered a few months before you were born led me to self isolate at a young age. I also learned to people please very quickly; I couldn’t upset my parents because it would turn into a screaming match. I always felt that I had to be perfect in every possible way, and that was too much pressure… So I isolated and didn’t talk to anyone.  When I was 14, a tornado ripped apart everything that I knew and loved this is when I first started to have anxiety attacks. Undiagnosed autistic at the time, it felt like there was absolutely no consistency, and I had no control over anything in my life. I started to self harm. I ended up in my first inpatient stay where I was heavily medicated for over a month. I barely remember it, or the years following; I was numb and felt no emotion at all. They threw out a laundry list of diagnoses, I disagree with all of them now, but at the time I started to make them an identity. Major depressive disorder, OCD, borderline personality disorder, anorexia nervosa, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, Asperger’s… leaving the inpatient facility, I felt like my parents were disappointed in me and felt like I was faulty. I somehow made it through college, and decided to move away from my family. This was in the peak of Covid and I took on so much stress during this season. I miss my family, but didn’t know how to express that I was struggling because it would only open up the can of worms of my mental health. shortly after this move, my best friend was killed in a car accident. I was an absolute wreck. I started self harming again. Thoughts of suicide were not uncommon. I hated everything about my life and genuinely thought that things would be better for the world if I were not here and then to make everything better, I lost my job. The month after this are a bit of a blur. They all kinda just blend together. I was just living life and trying to get by. Finances were extremely tight, and I had no one around me who knew anything about me; no friends, no family, nothing. I started going back to therapy, and this is when we defined that all my issues stemmed from multiple points of PTSD in my life. Though I was going through therapy, things were still extremely difficult. I started having extreme health issues that were debilitating and made day-to-day life miserable. I still deal with these health issues, but I know how to manage a lot better now. I think that it all started because my system was working on overdrive for too long and it got overworked and fried my wires or something lol I started seeing a chiropractor, and that turned into a really horrible situation. She was married and had a child, and eventually confess her love for me. There is A LOT that goes into this, but ultimately, I changed to a different chiropractor. This led to a very dark season where I attempt to take my life and ended back up in a mental health facility for a few days. There’s a lot of other things that go into my story and I really wish that I could say that I’m 100% better from everything, but that would be a lie. What I have learned though is that I desperately need friends and community. It makes a world of a difference to have people supporting you; people you know that love you and care about you and for you! Since my lastinpatient stay, I have been very intentional to try to build community and find “my people.” I have decorated my house to make it feel like a home, and am eager to invite people over to my space. I do my best to not isolate anymore because I know that it is a trigger for all of my mental health issues. I don’t have to be in control of everything, as long as I know that I can control the small things that I can control. My mental health is still horrible, I still struggle with self harm, and I think I will be a lifelong therapy goer (and I am proud of this), but there is always hope because I have my people. I’m not sure why I’m sharing all of this. I really wish I had a really happy ending and that I’m living happily ever after and have 1 million friends and have redeemed my relationship with my family, and have resolved all of my emotional triggers… That’s just not the case. However, I have fought through so many things That have ultimately made me tougher. In a way, they have also made me weaker, and I am grateful for that. It has shown me how to be gracious towards others and know that they are going through their own shit too. It’s hard to be mad at other people when you think about the fact that they are healing from their own emotional trauma as well." -Anonymous

"A little over 1 year ago, I realized I needed help when I nearly turned my car around on the way to a manicure appointment because I was convinced I would be killed by a shooter at this appointment if I went. Although I may not have physically felt it, I was incredibly stressed at this time. I was studying for my specialist exam as a physical therapist, planning my wedding, and teaching a college course for the first time. My anxiety was getting to the point of creating legitimate fear of every day situations: imagining myself and my parents dying in a car accident, convinced that I would be killed in a mass shooting while going shopping and on and on. With the help of my therapist, I realized how my fears were centered on my loved ones and that a history of pushing my fears down in the name of trying to stay productive/successful/on track was leading to this. I learned to look inward and acknowledge my fear as a representation of how much I cared about my loved ones and how to thank my brain for trying to protect me; but also acknowledge that I am safe. I will forever be grateful to her for giving me these tools to embrace ALL of my emotions and to repurpose them for my use. Those fears still come, as we are all human, but now I can address them, amend them, and go get my nails done without issue :)" -Gabby

"4 Years ago my entire life imploded over night - I went from being a stay at home mom of a newborn, 2/4/5 yo, to a SOLO parent who suddenly had to provide. Surviving seemed overwhelming….and layered on that I was faced with the sudden death of my father, selling my home, coordinating an inter-continental move and keeping everyone else alive…I didn’t have TIME for feels. And then it hit me. The waves of darkness. The overwhelming sense of despair. I went from being the girl who laughed in the face of danger to wanting to crawl into the abyss. Four sets of eyes stared at me each morning, asking if it would be ok. I told them YES:..and by telling them Yes, I slowly convinces myself of it. Four years later we have built a beautiful life…some days grief still creeps in…but the overwhelming BEAUTY of seeing my children SAFE & thriving makes all the sacrifice worthwhile. STAY….even in the depths of darkness…the best IS yet to come💞🌈✨" -Anonymous 

"This one is so hard to share. About 13 years ago, I was SA’d after a night drinking with my best friend. In the aftermath, I developed a severe eating disorder and became deeply depressed and suicidal. I was withering away and was ready to end it all. One night, I decided I had enough and was done living. I called my best friend, and reminded her I love her. Eventually, I was found unresponsive, yet still alive. After vomiting profusely in the ambulance, I was admitted to the psych hospital and underwent intensive therapy. Through therapy, I was able to face major demons and come to terms with what had happened to me. My best friend lost her battle to her demons a years later. Now, 13 years later, I am sober, a mom, a wife, happy to be alive." -Anonymous

"It’s been almost a year since I decided I didn’t want to exist anymore. 2024 was such a tough mental year. Each day was a blur. The heart ache of feeling “I did not belong here”. Battling with severe depression & anxiety. June of 2024 I almost overdosed. I was fine with an Irish goodbye but some unknown reason I didn’t went through. At the time It felt like I had failed, like I couldn’t do anything right. I started to get help & the question remained if it’s okay for me to remain in this world. Each day I kept getting closer to the answer. If there’s a reason to remain in this world, it’s probably that there are still people that I love in this world and that people who love me are still here. Which is why, that’s enough reason for me to stay here. So I’ll stay here and find other reasons as to why I should stay here. That’s what I decided on." - Jesus

"I grew up severely bipolar in a family that didn’t believe mental illnesses were a thing. I showed signs as early as 7 years old and started self harming at 9. I remember being angry and frustrated all of the time at school. My 5th grade language arts teacher connected with me by giving me special books to read and things like that. We never talked about my issues, but having him there, at that time made a massive difference in my life. I’m thankful he took the time to connect with me, even without speaking." -Anonymous

"I’ve dealt with depression most of my life. I’m a survivor of molestation and abuse by my father. I’ve spent most of my adult life tackling healing the wounds I never asked for. In 2019, I was at the lowest point in my life. I finally made a decision to commit suicide. Thankfully a friend recognized that I was making a plan and intervened. He reached out to my family and checked in on me daily, reminding me how much I meant to him and others. I decided to keep fighting for myself life and sought help. It was a tough year of intensive therapy and I went on antidepressants. I was able to overcome those intrusive thoughts and have since developed a safety plan for myself w a few close friends and my family, when I cycle through depression and have SI. My goal is to continuing living and be a beacon of light for others." -Anonymous