030: But I Can Control How I Respond

"I grew up in a religious cult. It was normal to have multiple wives and be married to your relative. I was raised in this with one foot in one foot out situation. While I didn’t have plural moms, I was still told I have to wear long skirts and dresses. Most of my cousins and friends had multiple moms and it was just the way it was. Men were abusive and regularly endorsing rape. I was brought to church as young as 7. I didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about. I remember the brothers would just yell. And slam his hands down. And the one thing I do remember; he was telling women to obey. I knew at a young age this wasn’t for me.

Now I live states away, some of my family still practices the religion, some don’t. I don’t. I haven’t been inside of a church since my younger years. I am so scared I can even imagine looking into religion now.

My family is dysfunctional, to put it into a word. But it’s more than that. My mom is a narcissist and makes me feel small and not worthy of love or success. But gets upset if I don’t follow in her footsteps. She doesn’t ask how I am, even though I work at the same company as her. I got engaged and she made it about herself. I’m getting married very soon and I did not invite my parents. Only 2 members of my large family will be in attendance.

I joined the military as a reservist in 2022 and shipped out to training Aug 2023. I spent my 25th birthday with yelling drill sgts. I graduated. My mom said she was going to be a graduation and even confirmed in letters we exchanged during training. I only came to find out she didn’t come when I was getting tapped out by my now fiance. She chose (yes chose) work over one of the biggest achievements of my life. Unfortunately, military really screwed me up. With my job I have panic attacks I was diagnosed with with PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar disorder. I’ve been to therapy every week for the past 14 months.

I still struggle from being in an emotionally abusive relationship 4-5 years ago. Sometimes I still have nightmares. I’m not sure where to go from here.

Im 26 and I don’t have many friends. I feel like my family is just drifting farther and farther away. I feel like no one is excited for my wedding. I am so excited to get married but it suck’s not having the community and the sister hood.

I promised myself I would end this on a good or motivational note so here it goes. I am proud I am setting boundaries with my mother. I am proud of myself for graduating from military training. My wedding is going to be fun even if no one shows up. We are going to get all dressed up and eat good food and cake. I will find friends that care about me and support me. I am so grateful for my fiance and my rescue pups that get to sit next to me while I work from home. I cannot control everything but I can control how I respond. 💓"

-Anonymous