"I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression. But around the end of last year- sometime in November 2024- I went so deep into depression. I felt totally worthless, what was the point, life was repetitive and boring and never ending bills and groundhog days. I had no interest in any of the things I normally love. I came home from work and just wanted to sleep. I was deeply sad and numb. I constantly thought it would be better if I just didn’t wake up. I wanted bad things to happen to me. I didn’t have my usual strength or positive attitude or grateful spirit to save me. I went on like this for a few months. Until one day I decided that I was not dead and that it was up to me to do something because I wasn’t going to talk to anyone about it. I went for a run. I forced myself outside. I slowly started to feel better. It would be only a month or so later that my step dad would take his life. I had no idea he was struggling. Those dark feelings crept in again. Why him? Why not me? He was feeling all those same sad feelings and he felt so alone. I know that feeling. And he didn’t have the strength to come out of it and it broke me. The grief of knowing how he felt and not being able to help because I had no idea he was going through it has wrecked me with guilt. With a deep sadness and pain. I never want anyone around me to feel that loss or that guilt. I miss him so much and I wish he could have borrowed strength to climb out so bad. 😭 It’s so important to reach out to someone and tell them. Because missing you will be so much to endure. You ARE so loved even if you don’t feel that way sometimes. Please stay. It does get better."
-Push Through
