"Its been tough this decade (I was going to put year but I would be fucking lying), tougher than most. Its hard to admit that I'm having a tough time and I'm ashamed. Its tough to see my family and friends hit goals and milestones I should have hit much earlier but hey, I fucked all my chances up. And here I sit in the middle of the night, contemplating whether I should still write more shitty poetry no one will ever care to read on Substack on some puzzle everyone likes. I'm a bad writer, a bad brother, a bad co-worker, and a bad friend. I have more shitty family dynamics than I could shake a stick at: fraudulent, lying, cheating, manipulative bullshit. My country is ran by scumbag CEOs and billionaires who don't care if people live or die, none of them can be trusted. I sit and think on all this with a deep glut of paranoia. I am beyond tired. Beyond angry. Sick of struggling. I have thought of suicide recently, felt hopelessness because of my financial insecurity. Me and self-sabotage are those long term blood brothers.
Then I happened to see Mattie Rogers wearing that 'I am Enough' shirt on Instagram and felt inspired to write this (hell, I'm surprised it was fucking anything because I'm a shit writer) for the first time in a long fucking time. I completely forgot it was Mental Health Awareness Month. For some reason I feel better writing all this down. T
here's an exercise that says define your life in six words. I want mine to always be, "I do the best I can." Because I did and I still do. And no one, not even my shitty family can make me feel bad about that. I go to therapy, I work through my anger. One foot in front of the other. I don't even have enough money for her damn shirt but I'll get there. I may be fucking unknown on social media, but I'm still here. I'm a self-sabotaging fuckup, but I'm still here. Nobody will read this or care, but I'm still here. I'm broke as fuck, but I'm still here. I'm not really okay, but I'm still here. It's okay to admit that. I want to be better, I want to be happier. I am a work in progress. I don't know what my anchor is, but I hope its heavy as fuck."
-Anonymous
