038: I got my ass back to someone I was finally proud of again

"2 1/2 years ago I had a very traumatic birth that was completely unexpected. I was misdiagnosed and had no idea of underlying symptoms that were completely missed. I gained over 65 pounds in that pregnancy and was so stuck postpartum. I developed postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression, and nobody talked about it. I knew I wasn’t alone, but nobody opened up about their struggles so I had nobody to talk to. I lost myself as a mom because I could not perform in the gym how I did pre-pregnancy and that was my outlet. I pushed myself thinking I had to get back to where I was pre-pregnancy because that’s all I knew. Nobody talks about becoming a new, different version of yourself postpartum in a full positive light. All I was seeing was the bounce back culture and I strived for that. I had no idea what kind of damage that was going to do to my mental health until I pushed myself way too far and I completely shattered my ACL.

Once that happened, I was done for. My mental health was already low, and I hit an absolute rock bottom. I had no idea who I was because my outlet was gone. The form of working out that I knew I needed to do to help get me back in shape, was unattainable at that time. I took my anger and my sadness out with food. The weight took a toll on me, physically and mentally… I was trying to recover from multiple things and I knew I could not do it all at once. And I just kept a smile on my face for the longest time because I had no idea how to be healthy because I kept getting hit down time after time and I just accepted it.

It wasn’t until your last launch of the mental health collection and basically looking at me after I thanked you for letting me be a part of your photo shoot because I was so insecure about my postpartum and healing from ACL surgery body… You said “every body is accepted, no matter what and every body is beautiful.” I don’t think you understand what I did for my mental health that day. And I don’t think I ever truly thanked you. Because after that, I reached back out to my nutritionist, and I got my ass back to someone and someone who I was finally proud of again. I had the motivation to try again, and I have not felt that sense of belonging and acceptance in a very long time. I truly feel that you helped me in gaining my confidence back and actually allowed me to truly be happy."

-Britni Denney